Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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