Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
