bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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