direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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