I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
