If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize