Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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