so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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