Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
