Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
