After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
