ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
