sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
