the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
