you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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