just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
