do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
