He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
