never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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