textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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