Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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