There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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