I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize