Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize