If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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