I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
