Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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