don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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