I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
