No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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