i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
