Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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