Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dude. I can hear the air.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
