I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
