How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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