break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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