omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
