We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
