normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
