I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
