I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
