do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
