you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
