One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
