He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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