did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
