but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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