There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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