fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
