Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
