just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
