hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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