you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
