So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if only i could text you this smell
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
