she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
