Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
