another moral hangover. fuck.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
