If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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