No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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