If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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