just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
