I cockslap morals
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Barsexuality is the new black.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
