My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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