Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
