My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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