His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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