Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
