Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
