She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
